Bland egg paste, or the sleeper hit?
How long should the eggs be cooked? What is the ultimate egg to mayo ratio? Can egg salad ever transcend egg mush?
In pursuit of a not-gross, not-bland egg salad, Molly and Declan give it the cae sal treatment.
Special thanks to our listeners for your questions—especially those who took the time to call in. Send your burning sandwich questions (not burning sandwich, you know what we mean) to podcasts@food52.com.
Mystical galactic voiceover: Peanut butter and jelly. Grilled cheese. Pastrami. Tuna salad. The Sandwich Universe.
Declan Bond: Hi, everyone. Welcome to The Sandwich Universe, where everything is a sandwich.
Molly Baz: And a sandwich is everything.
Declan: I'm Declan Bond. Uh, I'm a professional eater, sandwich enthusiast, civilian representative for sandwich makers, uh, around the world.
Molly: And I'm Molly Baz. I'm a professional chef, also eater, and a cookbook author. And I am here to represent good technique and practices in the kitchen.
Declan: (laughing) And we're on a mission to uncover the far side of ten iconic deli sandwiches. Each episode, we're tackling a different sandwich, with philosophical debate, listeners, and their questions, rigorous laboratory testing and the likes, heavily scholarly research.
Molly: Ultimately, every episode we are going to make one really baller sandwich. This is the egg salad sandwich episode. (typing sounds)
Declan: So I did a little digging. I have to say, the internet doesn't know that much about the egg salad sandwich. Um, I did find out, history wise, the year of note was 1762, which is when I guess--
Molly: That's back there.
Declan: That's, that's back there. Uh, that's when I guess it was formally invented, although I'm not really even sure. That's from TheNibble.com, so, you know, take it with a grain of salt. (laughing)
Molly: (laughing) Yeah, really great research.
Declan: But yeah, I guess that's around the time when mayonnaise was invented. So I think, probably correlated moment.
Molly: Of course. There's no egg salad without mayonnaise.
Declan: Exactly. I did also find out that some people seem to think that egg salad could be made with scrambled eggs, either scrambled or hard-boiled, but I feel like scrambled eggs is just too wild. I can't even really fathom. (laughing)
Molly: That is a hard no from me, dog.
Declan: (laughing) Let's not go there. Let's not, let's not go there.
Molly: Oh my god. Like, hot scrambled eggs tossed with mayonnaise? Literally gag me with a spoon. That sounds horrible.
Declan: Can't do that. Um...
Molly: I don't believe you.
Declan: I did also find out that before it was a sandwich, uh, egg salad was just served, uh, traditionally on just a bed of lettuce. And that also is a bit of a doozy for me. Cause I'm just imagining like, someone just putting down, like, you know, like in a deli counter, they have like the big giant platter of egg salad. And it's kind of on the like, bed of lettuce, like the display lettuce.
Molly: Oh, like the green leaf lettuce that's like, wilty and brown at the edges.
Declan: Yeah, yeah. (laughing) I'm just imagining someone just like, taking a big, like, scoop of that, and just like, putting it on a plate and putting it in front of me and being like, "Eat up!"
Molly: "Here's your sandwich!" I was kind of envisioning when you said that, like, that it was on a bed of iceberg, and then I was getting this, like, I'm going to wrap up the iceberg and turn it into a little pocket, kind of lettuce wrap style. And I was like, "I can get into that," but yeah, if we're talking like wilty green leaf, no thank you. I think the thing for me that's sometimes hard about an egg salad sandwich is just the understanding that I'm like, slamming five eggs in one sitting. Just like knowing, knowing that, is just--it feels a little funny in my tummy sometimes. I'm more of like a two, two eggs per serving type.
Declan: Two weeks at a time feels--per meal, it feels like kind of maxing out.
Molly: It's enough. Yeah.
Declan: I do feel like also there's this picnic-y vibe to an egg salad sandwich. Like somehow it, it, I just think of like picnics, with a little plaid picnic blanket and a basket. Um, even though, you know, egg salad being, you know, the sandwich being kind of mushy, it doesn't always lend itself to transport, but it's still just in my head as this like, fifties-era sandwich vibe.
Molly: So we're going to talk about the classic egg salad sandwich, which is a pretty simple pared down version of it. But then I think also what troubles people is, how, sort of one-note a egg salad can be. And I think there are a lot of kind of textural issues for people with egg salad. And so I would also love to dive into how, like, kind of what the alt versions of an egg salad are, and can be.
Declan: Can we just off the bat, can we just decide whether or not we're going to say that an egg salad sandwich has to be like, two pieces of bread and one, like, filling element, which is the egg salad. Uh, or can it be like, an egg salad that has an egg salad element as like the kind of core, but then also, you know, some, some other things that, you know, kind of bulk up the sandwich. Um, or is that getting too far away?
Molly: No, as far as I'm concerned, as long as it's between two slices of bread and egg salad is core to it, I'm not mad about adding other things. Like, I feel like, where it gets uni-textural, we can intervene by adding even something as simple as like, iceberg lettuce in there for crunch. Um, and so I'm definitely not mad at exploring what some of those, like, additive ingredients might be to help people out.
Declan: Okay. Great.
Molly: Okay. Well, I think we've agreed on that. We're not, we are not tied to the most classic pared-down basic version of it, although we can agree that it's traditional, and there's kind of a time and a place, and maybe it's in a tiny little triangle. Um, but let's take some questions now from the fans, the followers, the listeners, um, and try to get to the bottom of what makes a really great egg salad sandwich and how we can sort of break down the barrier to entry for those of you who are hesitant about them right after this break.
(midroll)
Declan: Let's take a few questions, starting with @ysablermiralis.
Molly: (laughing) That really did not roll off the tongue.
Declan: Sorry. And this question is, "Is egg salad technically chicken salad?"
Molly: (laughing) I mean, I just, I think it's just a hundred percent yes.
Declan: I'm not sure we're going to be able to solve the age old paradox, the chicken or the egg, right here and now.
Molly: Chicken or the egg? Um, I think, yes, I think technically egg salad is just like, unborn chicken salad.
Declan: Okay. I think we rename it, actually. This is the unborn chicken salad sandwich.
Molly: Yes. (laughing) Unborn chicken salad. This one's coming in from @MadisonSierra. "What is the desired boiledness of the eggs pre-sando making?"
Declan: I mean, seven minutes.
Molly: Oh my God, you're so wrong, it's not even funny.
Declan: Oh man, really? I've always done seven minutes.
Molly: Your amateur colors are really showing through right now.
Declan: Oh, god, okay. Tell me the right answer, teacher.
Molly: I mean, I get it. I get that it's like, "Jammy eggs, seven minute eggs. I only eat seven minute eggs." That's like, what cool kids do, but no, actually, when it comes to egg salad, I believe that you want something that's a little bit more set. It's like, that jammy, runny almost, yolk doesn't really lend itself well to egg salad.
Declan: I mean, once you toss it up, it does not remain runneth. Uh, no, it does not remain runny after you've made the actual egg salad. I'm just saying, when you have a little bit of that, uh, creamy yolk, as opposed to something that's chalky and, you know, just has that chalky set--
Molly: Listen, a ten minute egg is not chalky.
Declan: Is it not?
Molly: No. I would say that like a 12, a 12 minute, an 11 or 12 minute egg is a chalky yolk. A ten minute egg is a yolk that--where it's mostly cooked, but there'll be like a little small speck of like, translucence in the middle, when you cut in half, that suggests that it's like, just barely cooked through. The yolk. But not all the way. And I feel like because what you're trying to create in--at least in a classic egg salad, is that sort of like, creamy emulsified dressing, it's nice to have that mostly cooked yolk. Not over-cooked, not chalky, but mostly cooked yolk for the, to whisk the mayonnaise and mustard into, and make something like, really strong and emulsified. And just to be clear, like, when I'm making eggs at home for myself, just in the morning, I make seven to eight minute eggs. Like, I'm with you on that. I just, I just don't want you to go around believing that a seven minute egg is typical of classic egg salad. That would be really embarrassing. (laughing) I'm just kidding, big dog. You're on the right track.
Declan: I'm embarrassed now. Oh, dear.
Molly: Oh God. Oh dear. (laughing) Um, okay. How about another question?
Declan: Alright. So this one is from @iseebeutler, uh, who says:
Call-in: Every egg salad sandwich I've ever had has tasted like disappointment. Is there a way to make it taste less like bland egg mush?
Declan: Honestly, thank you for writing this in.
Molly: I'm glad they asked.
Declan: I feel like it is true. Like, the classic egg salad. It's just nine times out of ten, no matter where you go to get it, when you make it at home, it's just, it tends towards something uninspired and bland and, and just pasty, and, um, and I feel like it needs a lot of helping out. I'm like, uh, I'm a big fan of, um, just like, doing something radical in the egg, egg salad department.
Molly: Radical! Okay, I feel you. I want to acknowledge like the, that there is a path forward in terms of achieving a really great egg salad in its simplest form. And just, just quickly, to say that, I think if you start with really delicious tasting eggs, like, I know that sounds annoying, but it's kind of, it honestly kind of is true. Like, get some farm-fresh eggs that tastes good, because this is all about the eggs. And then, sorry to say it again, but like, probably get some Kewpie Mayo and level up that way.
Declan: Yeah. How do we feel about alt eggs? Like, what if we're not using chicken eggs, or is that, is that outside of consideration?
Molly: You mean like ostrich eggs?
Declan: (laughing) Maybe not ostrich. Maybe not ostrich, but like a duck egg, I feel like, could be amazing.
Molly: There he goes, the bouge-er again.
Declan: Oh, here we go. (laughing)
Molly: Like, honestly, I don't even--I wouldn't even know where to procure a dozen duck eggs if I tried right now.
Declan: Well--
Molly: Also they taste kind of the same, let's be honest.
Declan: Well, maybe it's because you've been overcooking them, but I think they're really lovely.
Molly: (laughing) Shots fired!
Declan: (laughing) You know, by the time the duck egg has been fully blasted, yeah, maybe it tastes the same as an average hen egg.
Molly: Okay, your superior palate. Um, let's stick to chicken eggs.
Declan: Okay, let's stick to chicken. Okay.
Molly: So anyway, I think starting with really great ingredients, using Kewpie mayo, because it's the best mayo ever, making sure that there's Dijon mustard in it, if we're talking about the most classic form, and I always add finely chopped celery into my traditional egg salad, because it definitely helps break up the monotony of the one noted creaminess. That's like kind of--at its most basic form, salt and pepper, a little squeeze of lemon juice, I feel like that's a very classic egg salad.
Declan: Yeah, but I'm worried that @iseebeutler is taking aim at just this kind of thing, where it's like, yeah, it's a little acidity, a little bit of savoriness, kind of uniform, you know, little minced bits of celery is just not helping enough. It's not reinforcing enough. Help me out.
Molly: Kind of like, bottom line, it's egg paste.
Declan: It's egg paste. You just put some celery in my egg paste.
Molly: I don't totally disagree, honestly. Ok, so, let's talk about egg salad 2.0. Because I think we're both pretty fired up about it. So I have a recipe in my cookbook, Cook This Book, shameless plug, called "Fancy French Egg Salad." And in the picture you will notice it is served open faced on a piece of crusty sourdough. It's unfortunately not sesame sourdough, but it is still sourdough. And this particular egg salad has eggs that are, ooh, I can't remember exactly what timing, what, how long they're cooked. I think they're like--
Declan: If they're seven minutes, I will really jump for joy.
Molly: Yeah, you're gonna punch me in the face.
Declan: I'm really gonna feel vindicated. (laughing)
Molly: Oh man, I need to look it up. Um, but they're less than totally, uh, boiled, hard-boiled, totally cooked. Um, and that's because what binds them all together is this really briny, mustardy vinaigrette, which is inspired by the classic French sauce called sauce gribiche, which is like a caper, cornichon, mustard, chopped hard-boiled egg sauce that's was typically served over like, a piece of fish or, or, a steamed asparagus, or leeks or something like that. But I kind of took that idea and ran with it as like, well, if it's so delicious as a sauce, where it's like really punchy and briny and vinegary, why can't we just eat our egg salad that way entirely? Like, why does it have to be a condiment? Let's just turn that into egg salad. And that's what I did with this recipe. And so it's a chunky, like larger, more piecey egg salad. It's not this like, uniform creamy, pasty kind of egg salad. And therefore it feels like it's not necessarily appropriate to put on a sandwich where like, the pieces would just be falling out left and right, and it's better eaten on a toast. But I still think it's egg salad.
Declan: Yeah, I do think it's egg salad, it's just not an egg salad sandwich. But I think the direction is right, and that's, that's the kind of radical move I'm looking for here. (laughing)
Molly: Radical, man!
Declan: Dude, you're just radical in there! (laughing) No, but I love like, the idea of like, just putting like actually, you know, a bunch of parsley, um, you know, loosely chopped, or watercress in there for a little bit more crunch. Um, celery, uh, could be cool. Fennel, maybe.
Molly: Mmm, yeah.
Declan: Just some kind of like, vegetal crispy crunch. I don't really feel like iceberg is right, because the egg is just not potent enough in itself. So like, it needs something that isn't so watery.
Molly: I agree. I feel like it's kind of maybe going to water it down.
Declan: Right.
Molly: So yeah, you could definitely go that direction. You could go in the vinegary mustardy herby direction. I think you'd be very well served that way. Other ideas? I have more, and that is a caesared egg salad, which, I'm sorry, but like, tell me that that doesn't make so much sense.
Declan: I mean, I love caesar. I love egg salad. Um, and yeah, it does make sense, but it is--it feels heavy to me still, you know? Like when I think about a whole, a whole sandwich worth of eggs all dripping in the heavy duty cae sal dressing, I'm just like, whoa, I'm going to be, like...
Molly: Heavy from like a, from like a fat standpoint or from like a pungency standpoint?
Declan: Uh, from like a fat standpoint. Like an emulsified dressing, that's like, kind of, you know, it's got a weightiness to it.
Molly: Yeah, I mean, I just don't think it's very different from, say, adding mayonnaise to egg salad. After all, caesar salad dressing is just mayonnaise, um, with some other stuff added in there, so--
Declan: Wow. That was a--I've never heard caesar salad dressing described in so, so tragic a way. (laughing) Just mayonnaise with some other stuff.
Molly: Some other, like, brilliant additions, I guess I should say. (laughing) And you know my love of the cae sal. And so I think, I do think that's mostly like an in-your-head type of thing. I totally hear you, but it is actually kind of the same thing. You're just adding mayonnaise, uh, that has garlic, mustard, parm, Worcestershire, anchovies, versus mayonnaise that just has mustard. And also this is, this is fun because we often talk about the difference in our caesar dressing. So you guys all know what my caesar dressing is like, or if you don't now, now you know. It's, it's an, uh, it's a mayonnaise basically. It's a very emulsified--
Declan: It's mayonnaise with some stuff.
Molly: (laughing) It's mayonnaise with some brilliant stuff. But Declan makes a caesar salad a different way, and his is a more broken dressing. Do you want to explain yours?
Declan: Yeah, I mean, I guess I just, when I make caesar dressing, I don't whisk it to the point of making a kind of like, emulsified oil, you know, olive oil dressing.
Molly: But is there egg in it? Is there egg yolks?
Declan: There is coddled egg in it.
Molly: Oh, you do the coddled egg vibe. I'm so excited to have your caesar, actually.
Declan: It's really nice. I also, you know, what I think is a cool thing in caesar, is a little bit of Tabasco sauce to bring a little heat, and I feel like that is also gonna be really--
Molly: Oooh-hoo-hoo! That's wild.
Declan: That's, that's the radical move here.
Molly: Well, here's the cool thing about the coddled egg salad direction that your--or coddled caesar salad direction, is that we're already boiling eggs. And so we can take one of those eggs out a little bit sooner, use the yolk for the base of this caesar, and then fold the rest of the eggs in.
Declan: Yeah.
Molly: That's honestly kind of perfect.
Declan: Well, I guess this one's a little bit odd now that we've like, decided we're not going in a mayo-y direction, but I guess it's worth discussing anyways. So, from @Sarah_atthe_lichty:
Call-in: I'm wondering what the best ratio of egg to mayo should go in the best egg salad.
Molly: Okay. I think this is a good question. I think my general rule of thumb is about one tablespoon of mayonnaise for four eggs.
Declan: Wow, that is precise.
Molly: I'm just thinking about, like, I know what a tablespoon looks like. It looks like a heaping spoon, and then I know what four eggs look like in the bowl. And that's kind of the vibe I'm going for. Um, if you are going to do, you know, go in the mayonnaisey egg salad direction, my recommendation is to scoop out the yolks from your cooked eggs, throw them in the bowl, add the appropriate amount of mayonnaise and whisk that all together. So sort of like, whisking the mayonnaise into the yolks, which will help create that like, binding matter that you associate with that classic egg salad. And then of course, a little bit of Dijon, salt, pepper, and whatever else you want to add in. Okay. Here's another one, we come up against this question in every episode, because of course this is The Sandwich Universe. This one's coming in from @megan.k: "Best bread for egg salad? Soft or with some crunch?" How do you feel?
Declan: I mean, I think given everything we've been saying about the blandness and the uniformity of texture, I'm basically a hundred percent in the crunchy toasted something kind of camp.
Molly: I hear that, but I'm just really concerned about like, the egg salad gushing out the side of something crunchy.
Declan: I know. It detracts immensely from the eatability, especially when you're not doing an open faced. Um, the classic bread, you know, like, squish bread, that just is not serving anyone.
Molly: Yeah. Well, I, I do really love a really classic Japanese egg salad sandwich, which is, again, served on milk bread. I feel like we keep talking about milk bread. It's kind of like a really special, magical bread. And, and there's something really pared down and amazing about that. But if, if we're going in the weird and wild direction here, I'm kind of thinking that this belongs on very fresh sourdough that has like a nice crunchy crust, but a very soft moist sort of like springy, crumb.
Declan: Yeah.
Molly: The crust will almost like, help contain from things spilling out of the outsides, but you won't struggle to eat through it with the soft innards of the sourdough.
Declan: Yeah, I mean, you don't have to ask me twice. I love a super fresh sourdough. (laughing)
Molly: Yeah. It's not even a sesame sourdough today.
Declan: That's true. Should it be? Probably. But--what about--I don't know. I just feel like it needs a little bit of crunch. Like--
Molly: I just feel like we're going to end up adding like, cornichon or pickles, and like, all sorts of crunchy things. Like, I love celery in my egg salad. I feel like we're going to, we're going to dial up the texture in the salad so that this sourdough can really--
Declan: Okay. Let's just make sure we do that.
Molly: Okay. Well, I think we should move into the ideation phase now, where we really dream up our, our ideal egg salad sandwich. What do you think, Dec?
Declan: (robot voice) Entering ideation phase now.
Molly: (laughing) Beep beep beep beep beep!
Declan: (laughing) Laboratory testing. So we've already announced some things. Um, super fresh sourdough, starting from the outside in, right?
Molly: Yeah.
Declan: I think I'm curious to know just exactly how chopped up the egg is going to be. Um, and like, what the, you know, where are we going to land on like, all these particulars, about how many minutes and what the size of each kind of egg piece will be.
Molly: I kind of feel like, contrary to the egg salad in my book, which is served on toast, I think if, if we do want this to be a sandwich, we should chop it--not finely, but it shouldn't be coarse. Like, I don't, I don't think it should be bigger than, you know, like a half or a quarter of an inch pieces.
Declan: Oh, man, really? God.
Molly: Yeah. Like, I feel like they're going to fall out of the sandwich, Dec. It's just not a sandwich anymore.
Declan: (laughing) I mean, you're right, you're right. They are going to fall out. Okay.
Molly: And honestly, it kind of all--I'm not saying it needs to be finely chopped. I'm just saying, like, let's not have like, quarters of eggs in there.
Declan: Yeah, yeah. Okay. I mean, I hear you. It is an immensely difficult sandwich to wrangle, so the finer chop will certainly help with that.
Molly: And we can wrap this thing in parchment, as one should when one is handling a unwieldy sandwich.
Declan: Unwieldy, unruly and definitely not bland egg paste sandwich.
Molly: Egg salad sandwich. Yeah. (laughing) Egg paste. And then in terms of the egg cookery, I think--
Declan: Come on, let's go seven.
Molly: I think we should split the difference.
Declan: Ok fine. You're digging in.
Molly: Nope, nope, nope. I think we should do like, eight and a half.
Declan: Ok fine, let's literally split the difference. That 90 seconds. (laughing)
Molly: We have to. We're doing eight and a half minute eggs. They're neither here nor there, but they're going to be perfect. Um, (laughing) and then we're going to do your broken caesary dressing that's kind of a mashup of our two worlds, or the two ways that we approach.
Declan: Awesome. Yeah. And then I think finally, we should talk about like, what other kind of, uh, green things or other things could maybe go in to give it a bit more crunch, a bit more freshness, a bit more lightness, maybe a bit more volume even. Um, and whether or not, importantly, whether or not those things should be integrated into the egg salad so that it's one uniform, you know, element, um, or if they should be actually separated. And I have to say, my--on first pass, I'm kind of feeling like they should be separated.
Molly: So am I.
Declan: Like, you could have a layer of, uh, you know, either, uh, watercress or, not arugula, but maybe parsley, or a blend that could be just like a layer in the egg salad sandwich for that like, crunchy freshness.
Molly: I'm totally feeling that. I'm feeling a herby and bitter green salad, basically. Like a mix. Like, we do like, some parsley, some dill, maybe some watercress, just like, or, or--and arugula. We can just make like a big, messy mix in a bowl, season it a little bit with just like, lemon, olive oil, salt, pepper, just so it's a little bit dressed, and then pile that on. So it'll give like, a little bite and a little crunch as we work our way through the sandwich.
Declan: Yes.
Molly: Cause like, something about tossing, like, pieces of arugula through egg salad just feels like, again, pretty pasty and, and just like, it's going to get bogged down by all of the dressing, and I just kinda want it separate.
Declan: Yeah. Yeah. Awesome.
Molly: Do we want celery in there? I do, so... (laughing) I just need you to know that.
Declan: (laughing) "Does one want celery?" Uh, yeah, I do actually. But I want it--I want this celery minced in the egg salad.
Molly: Yeah! Yeah, me too, me too, me too.
Declan: Okay.
Molly: Okay, good. Aligned. Okay. So we're going to do like, anchovy, mustard, maybe even two kinds of mustard. Like I wouldn't be mad about a Dijon and a whole grain mustard combination in our broken dressing. And chopped anchovy, like a little bit of garlic. Not too much though, cause I still want to taste the eggs.
Declan: Yeah. I want to make it extra broken-y, almost like, you know, almost like a salsa.
Molly: Like a tomato salsa?Or like a salsa verde?
Declan: Yes, salsa verde, or something--like that level of chunkiness.
Molly: Yeah, and oiliness, and like, yeah, and like, drippiness. We will dice up some celery and then--I just feel like for some reason, pickles, like, have a place in this sandwich, and I'm not sure where. Like, should we chop up pickles and put them into it, or should we do a layer of pickles in between egg salad and the greens on top?
Declan: I kind of want to do a layer.
Molly: I know, me too. I want them to feel like they're holding their own.
Declan: Cause like, again, they just like, they, they add a little bit of crunch, um, a little bit of extra acidity. Although it's going to be an acidic sandwich, which is fine by me.
Molly: Yeah. We could, we may add a little, like a dollop of mayonnaise in there, but, you know, just to kind of bind it all together, but it's not going to be like, a creamy dressing by any means. Anything else? Tomato? No, it doesn't feel right. Too watery. Onion? Too powerful. Like, I want the eggs to shine still.
Declan: We could do like, green onion in the egg salad. Like a spring onion?
Molly: Oh my God. For sure. For sure. For sure. Scallions, yeah. Thinly sliced. Yes, let's do that. A hundred percent. Um, and then we'll have our herby salad mix, and we'll have a really nice sourdough. And lots of black pepper! Lots of black pepper.
Declan: Of course. That's table stakes.
Molly: I just want to make sure, like, when people are visualizing this, they're thinking like, five or six good cranks.
Declan: Oh yeah. I mean, if not more. I like--when I grind my pepper, I literally just turn the pepper grinder to like the final setting, where it's like, each peppercorn is being like, almost just like, like halved. I just want full peppercorns, just split in half.
Molly: Broken in half? (laughing) Yeah. Lemon for acidity, I think, probably?
Declan: Yeah, lemon in the dressing. Both dressings.
Molly: Or maybe a little bit of...we could even do a little bit of the like pickle brine or something. We'll see what happens when we get in there.
Declan: Alright. I'm feeling radical.
Molly: It's a radical ass sandwich. And also, it feels like one that I would happily eat as a meal where I don't feel like I'm going to be like, "Why are there so many eggs in my belly?" Cause there's like, more stuff going on.
Declan: Yeah.
Molly: So that's that. We have our direction. It is clear. I am fired up about it, and I think we should go grab some stuff and hit the kitch.
Declan: Let's do it.
(musical interlude)
Molly: Hey, Siri, set a timer for eight and a half minutes. (dog bark sound)
Declan: Siri, it's okay if you do seven and a half.
Molly: (laughing) No, don't confuse her. She's not that intelligent. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. Okay. I'm doing eight eggs. Alright. And you get on the dressing.
Declan: I'm on it. We got mustard, grainy mustard, garlic, lemon, anchovies, Worcestershire, Tabasco, black pep, salt.
Molly: So we're, and we're not putting parm, because we feel weird about it with the eggs. It just doesn't feel necessary here.
Declan: Yeah.
Molly: Okay. Feel that. Go.
Declan: Boom.
Molly: I'm going to cut the bread while you're doing that. We got a nice crusty, fresh loaf of sourdough. (cutting sounds) Wow, I've never done the coddled egg caesar.
Declan: Let me live. (laughing)
Molly: Teach me your ways, Declan.
Declan: Can you say "Yes, Chef" to me? (laughing)
Molly: (laughing) It just--like, I can't. I have like, this bodily reaction that prevents me from saying it.
Declan: You will not say it?
Molly: No. Let me microplane this garlic in for you. (grating sounds) Mustardy! Wow.
Declan: A little bit of olive oil.
Molly: So you don't even whisk, you just use a spoon.
Declan: I'll just use a spoon or a fork, even.
Molly: I feel weird about you putting Cholula in there, not gonna lie.
Declan: No, oh my God, please, no.
Molly: Let's put your mama in there. Shout out to Rufio. That shit's hot, though. Like, that was probably enough. Chopping up a couple of celery stalks to throw into the salad.
Declan: Okay, let's peel these eggs.
Molly: Yep. And then I want to dress the watercress, arugula, herb salad with a little lemon and olive oil. Is that okay?
Declan: Yeah. (chopping sounds)
Molly: Celery. I'm doing it pretty fine. Hope that's okay with you.
Declan: (pause) Looks good.
Molly: Ohohoho, shots fired!
Declan: (laughing) I'm just saying, when you could chop it that small, you're basically eliminating most of the crunch. I want to do that chopping with my, with my molars.
Molly: No you're not. No you're not. (laughing) So we'll, we're peeling the eggs. We'll cut them in half. We'll take the like, half-jammy egg yolks, or a couple of them anyway. Then stir them into that dressing.
Declan: You're trying to mess with my dressing. (laughing) Let me live!
Molly: (laughing) Okay, nevermind. We're doing this your way. Do you see how this is particularly hard for me? Because you're trying to make a caesar salad right now. That's my salad.
Declan: Excuse me?
Molly: (laughing) That's my salad. I actually own the salad.
Declan: That's actually Caesar's. (laughing)
Molly: Me and Caesar have an understanding, though.
Declan: Really?
Molly: Two nice slices of sourdough going down on the plate. You take the egg salad and spoon it on. I'm going to shingle the dill pickles, right on top.
Declan: Little pickle planks.
Molly: Okay. And now I'm piling on--what ratio of herbage?
Declan: I think it's like...
Molly: 50-50.
Declan: Yeah, 50-50.
Molly: Wow, this is gorgeous!
Declan: Right?
Molly: Yes. Mmmm. Big, I think we fuckin' nailed this sandwich.
Declan: Don't mind if we do.
Molly: To the picnic table?
Declan: To the picnic table, and beyond!
Molly: (laughing) It feels like a good place to eat it.
(musical interlude)
Molly: Caesared egg sally, going down the hatch. (crunching sounds) Mmmm!
Declan: Yes!
Molly: (mouth full) Fuck yeah! (laughing) Alright. What's the big egg salad takeaway?
Declan: Go big.
Molly: Level up.
Declan: Make it radical. Do something crazy.
Molly: Add acid, add herbs, add lots of vinegar and mustards, and...it doesn't need to be bland and pasty. It shouldn't be, in fact.
Declan: It should never be.
Molly: That's that when it comes to egg salad. Thanks for being with us. Thanks for listening, as always. We'll be back here next week with another episode of The Sandwich Universe. But before we go, a special thanks to our presenting sponsor, Cabot Creamery, and to Coral Lee for producing the podcast, and Jeffrey Brodsky for creating the theme music.
Declan: Like, subscribe, follow.
Molly: Share.
Declan: Share, tell your friends.
Molly: Tell everyone.
Declan: And...
Molly: We'll see you back here next week.
Declan: Bye!
Molly: Au revoir!